so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
