i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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