whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
