I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think my moral compass just broke
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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