he puts the penis in happiness.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize