I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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