What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
