It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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