I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
