Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
not ubering you a puppy
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
