I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
