im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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