She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
