HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
