Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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