I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The adults are the big ones right?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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