Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
