Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
