I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
