Is it normal to miss your booty call?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
