I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
