did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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