i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
