it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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