last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
