Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
