Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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