nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
