Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
