This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
