Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
