I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
