I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
