He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize