I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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