fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
