Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
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