Are we in a gay sports bar?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
