I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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