He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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