My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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