I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
