White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
