i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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