loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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