So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
