WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
