What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
