Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
