Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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