she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
