...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
