yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
