11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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