when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so let's talk penis.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize