Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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