im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
