If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize