Only a mothe r could love this liver
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
