i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
