Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
