There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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