What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
