I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize