She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
