think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
