I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
