I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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