I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
