Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
