Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
