doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
