We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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