I accidentally had phone sex last night
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
