i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize