genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
