dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
