I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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