Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
