Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
