she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
