considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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